Confidence building

I rode Sunday instead of Monday due to some scheduling conflicts. It had been two weeks since I rode last and I can definitely feel it. I haven't been keeping up with my fitness routine either.

The horse I rode is a cute little paint named Hali.  She doesn't have much bend to her and she doesn't stay on the track.  If you try to bend her to the inside, she takes it as a cue to completely turn.  So I worked with her a little at the walk and trot (no canter because another horse in the arena freaked out when my friend and I tried).

I kept her on the wall by shifting my weight into my outside stirrup and putting pressure on the girth with my inside leg. This also created a slight bend that I had been looking for.  She didn't quite understand, or she just didn't want to, but toward the end of the ride she was getting it.

I felt pretty good about what happened during this ride because I realized that I do know what i'm doing to some extent. I assume she already knew what I was trying to do, but it felt good that she understood.

2014 is the Year of the Horse

Happy New Year!

I have no idea how good or how bad of a rider I am.  There are thousands of things I don't know about horses and riding and I honestly lack any confidence in my ability right now.  I rode on Monday, and there were several people in the arena with my friend and I, making me feel incredibly awkward.  I always feel like people are watching me and judging me.  I've only been back in the saddle for two years and I'm relearning everything, but I feel like everyone is looking at me like I've been riding forever and that I suck.

Of course, the horse I was riding probably picked up on my insecurity and that was why he decided to act like an ass.  The previous week, he was a perfect gentleman and did everything I asked... but there was no one else in the arena and I was completely comfortable.  Then this week, I was incredibly self-conscious.  Roo was okay in the beginning, but the longer I rode, the more self-conscious I became and the more he would shake his head and refuse to do what I asked.

I'm frustrated with the way I rode because when I was a kid, I was so confident and able.  I knew I was good then and now, I feel like I can't do everything I could before.  I just want to rewind time and not let myself quit riding for nine years.  I don't regret much in my life, but I regret my nine year riding hiatus everyday.

I want to make up for all the lost time.  I want to compete.  I want to train.  I want to learn.  I want to be a great rider and even though people keep telling me that it'll be impossible unless I commit fully to riding, I do want to get to the Rolex one day.

I don't want to ride just one day a week.  I want to ride almost everyday!  But I also want to make movies.

Anyway, this year I am going to work on a balancing act.  I will figure out how to be a serious rider, writer, and filmmaker all at once.

My equestrian goals for 2014 are:

• To find a trainer/coach that I click with
• To begin showing
• To be well-read when it comes to horsey non-fiction

Back in the Saddle!

I made a friend on Facebook recently that was willing to let me come out and ride her horses.  A girl I work with also rides, and I am always looking for horsey friends, so it made sense to invite her.  She also has a car and that made getting to the barn a lot easier because there's no bus to there.

We went out today and had an amazing time.  We were both a little nervous after having been out of the saddle for a few months and we were afraid that we'd look awful.  I lack so much confidence in my riding ability right now, but I'm sure a few more rides like this and I'll be back into the swing of things.  We're going to try to go out to the barn once a week if our off days remain together.

Then maybe after I move closer to downtown Seattle, we'll be able to drive out together easier.

We had such a good day.  I'm going to start doing my equestrian work outs again during my off-time so I can get my strength, stamina, and muscles back up to par.  I'm so excited.

If only everyone was as generous as the people that I've been meeting lately.  The world would be a much better place.

Roo and me!

Horses on TV

Rodeo Girls has a little bit of controversy surrounding it.  I'm not a barrel racer-- or even a Western rider, but I've read people say that the show is a disgrace to cowgirls.  I've watched the first two episodes and while I'm not too familiar with the camaraderie or cattiness on the circuit, I am all too familiar with how girls act around each other.  I went to an all girls high school and honestly, whether reality series instigate drama or not, they don't come even close to how horrible girls can treat each other.

Anyway, so far the show has very little actual riding in it, which is disappointing.  It's more about the life surrounding traveling with the circuit.  I wish the competitions took precedence over the traveling bits, but with that said, I'm still entertained by the show and really, if horses are on TV, I'll watch it...

Shows involving horses and any aspect of equine life are not very common, so I'll take what I can get.  Maybe this will start a trend.

Didn't I hear about a reality series focusing on equestrian sports in Wellington?

I'm not normally a fan of reality TV, but MORE HORSES ON TV, PLEASE!

Equestrian Thankfulness

Thanksgiving was yesterday and I intended to write this post then, but I fell asleep because I had woken up early for my new job (I work with dogs now).  Now, I'm not really into getting sentimental over things or people, but I figure that it's a good idea to reflect on the good things in your life on occasion.

1.) My Mom.
My mother helped me pursue my interests in horses.  She drove me to my riding lessons every weekend, attended every horse show, bought me toy horses, books, and really kept my interest alive.

2.) My Riding Instructors.
I don't remember the names of every single one I had, specifically my very first few, but I am incredibly grateful for every single one of them.  Even the ones that didn't work out.  They all taught me something about riding, horses, and myself.

3.) Winton Woods Riding Center.
This is where I rode in Cincinnati, Ohio through my childhood years.  It goes along with the above, but without this place, I wouldn't have had somewhere to go to nurture my love of horses.  For many years, it was my favorite place in the world and I would go just to visit the horses even long after I stopped riding.

4.) Faith Ranch.
My youth group went to Faith Ranch's camp to ride horses, go on cattle drives, and talk about God.  Years later, I realized that the place I thought was so cool was really not the best place for animals, but this ranch actually allowed me to show off my riding skills and horse knowledge to the kids in school that bullied me.  I was the weird kid obsessed with horses, and here at Faith Ranch, I was top dog.  It was a nice change.  I probably shouldn't be so grateful for a place that allowed me to reverse the social structure of junior high, but it's kind of nice to feel smug sometimes.

5.) Torie and the Cincinnati Polo Club.
Torie invited me out to ride after nine years of not riding and introduced me to the CPC.  They really changed my life for the better and I will never forget the year I spent with them.  They were like a family to me and had a lot of faith in my abilities to take care of horses.  I met them during a very dark period of my life and they helped me out of it.  I will be eternally grateful for them.

6.) Jordàn Linstedt.
I haven't ridden with her yet, but she did invite me out to her farm to work with the horses a little bit and she's interested in having me make a promotional video for her.  She helped me regain my trust in the equestrian community after my negative experience and I look forward to doing more with her.  She is an amazing and inspiring person.

7.) Rachel
Rachel is a friend I made at my last barn and she has been a super cheerleader.  I've shot video of her with her lease pony and we plan on going to the Washington State Horse Expo next year.  I always needed more friends that were into horses.

8.) My husband, Christopher.
Christopher has been an incredible supporter of my equestrian dreams.  Even when my dreams seem to be out of control and impossible, he's there to help me figure out how to make it happen.  He's also my voice of reason and logic and when my ideas get to be too crazy, he helps me make them realistic.  Also, he followed me across the country to live on a horse farm despite the fact that he has barely any interest or knowledge in horses.  He just wants to me to be happy and I am incredibly grateful.

9.) ALL the horses I have EVER known.
Even the ones I have never ridden.  Without them, I wouldn't be writing this blog and there would have been no passion to nurture.  I'd like to shout out to a few specific horses.  Wally, that lived behind my friend's house, who I was so afraid of that I'd throw apples into the yard instead of letting him eat them from my hand.  Sir Al, the first horse I had a lesson on.  He taught me so much.  Juice, who I rode most, and fell off of.  He taught me how to jump.  Field, who I loved dearly.  And Rainey.  Rainey brought me confidence when I started jumping again after 9 years of not riding.  She is the cutest paint with a lovely personality and I miss her.

10.) Matt and Mynta.
Last but not least, the people who rescued me from the scary trainer and have been allowing Christopher and me to camp out in their living room until we get back on our feet.  Without them, I wouldn't still be in Washington and trying to pursue my goals here.  I owe them a lot and I will always help them whenever I can.

Equine Goals

I've decided to donate my video skills to Save a Forgotten Equine (SAFE) in Woodinville, WA to help rehome horses and to promote the organization.

While I was there, I realized that I really want to be involved in helping horses.  I know I want my first horse to be a rescue and I want to be involved in the training process to help rehabilitate problem horses.  In the future, I'd like to run my own horse rescue organization out of my own farm.

Since my last working student experience, I've been a little unsure of what I wanted to do with my life involving horses.  I know that I still want to compete and I want to work with horses.  I do still want to compete at the upper levels, but I know that I need to compete at the lower levels first.

In addition to working with horses, I want to write.  I want to write screenplays, novels, video games, and articles for magazines.

I think I'm beginning to figure out the balance I need in my life and what I really want to do.

So I'm looking for another working student position so I can continue to build upon my equine knowledge and experience.  I can use this knowledge and experience to write horse-related movies, novels, video games, and articles for horse magazines.

I don't only want to write about horses, though, as I do have a wide range of interests... but maybe I'm leaning toward I want that to be my expertise.

My equine goals for the next month are as follows:

Find a new working student position
Start a promotional video for SAFE

Heartland is the first star to the right and straight on til morning!

I love the show Heartland.  Most people would find this to be really out of character for me because I'm not normally into family dramas.  I'm more into horror and dark things... Or as my nephew said once, I like black things and death.  I think I like Heartland so much because it was introduced to me at a really dark time in my life.  I found comfort in the show and the family dynamic within the show.  And of course, the horses...  I also wanted to be like Amy Fleming.  Who wouldn't?

Anyway, I've watched the entire series about 3 times (7th season starts in a few days!), but each time I watch it, I am enjoying something different.  Before, I was deeply depressed and wishing I could transport myself into that life.  Now when I watch it, I'm not in that dark place, but I still find myself wanting that life.

However, every time I attempt to get that life, it falls short.  And here I am, attempting to push for that life one more time.  I want horses in my life.  Permanently.  I know they take a lot of hard work and dedication and I'm willing to do that.  I know life will never be like the show because let's face it, it's basically a fantasy, but I can try.

So I'm looking for another working student position.

Maybe I'm crazy.

Or maybe I'm just completely addicted to horses.

Either way, I'm willing to give it one more go.

There's no way I can stay away.  Maybe the next trainer I get will be THE ONE.