Anyway, I had four lessons with Janice and they were all amazing. However, I ended up being unable to continue to pay for my lessons because my job situation had been unstable. I had asked to be a working student with her, but she never responded. I regret not pursuing this further because she was probably the best instructor I have ever had. I ended up applying for live-in working student positions all over the country and had an opportunity to go to Virginia to study under an eventing instructor. I ended up declining because it was unpaid and the housing was an office with a futon and I couldn't bring my husband with me.
Then I received another opportunity to study eventing under a 2* eventer in Washington. I was able to bring my husband and it was paid. It was the perfect opportunity for me to continue my riding career. So I bought us one way plane tickets from Cincinnati to Seattle and started right away. For the first month, it was absolutely amazing. My instructor was understanding and I was learning a lot about horse care and barn management. It was taking me a little while to adjust to the work load because I had never had a full time job before, let alone one that was causing me to work 12 hour days and I was only being paid for 8. I hadn't been taking my depression meds and I was fighting some really annoying health issues (also known as a Urinary Tract Infection), so I was a mess after the first few weeks.
I ended up being asked to see the instructor's therapist, which in itself was a little weird, but I went anyway even though I couldn't really afford it. The therapist was nice and helpful and in the end, I am glad that I went. But then later, it seemed like my instructor and the therapist were trying to work together to schedule appointments for me... which is not okay.
I started getting in trouble a lot. The first time was when I had posted pictures of another student riding someone's horse on Facebook. I had asked if I could take pictures AND I asked the rider if she minded if I posted to Facebook, everything seemed fine and dandy. Until the owner of the horse saw the pictures. Apparently, my instructor hadn't told the owner of the horse that she wasn't the one riding the horse-- that her students have been riding the horse even though the horse is supposed to be in training with her. Because my instructor got into a little bit of trouble with the owner for not telling the complete truth, I ended up being blamed for the incident and there was all this "discussion" about privacy rights and how I wasn't allowed to post pictures without permission from the property owner.
Then I started getting in trouble for not tacking up horses correctly or forgetting things. I took those as learning opportunities and I was really trying to learn to do things right, but my instructor would redo everything and as I stood there, trying to learn what she was doing, she just let her voice drop cold and flat and said, "go" like she was a princess telling her disobedient servant to leave her sight.
I also had a lot of trouble working with the tractor. First of all, I have a lot of anxiety from driving things because of my car accident in a tornado a year and a half ago. It took me a long time to get back into driving my car and to even care about driving. I still don't like to drive and I have given up my car to live in Washington where I can walk and ride the bus almost everywhere. Anyway, I had spent nearly half an hour trying to back the tractor and trailer into the manure container after having hardly been shown how to do it. I was so frustrated and near tears, that I went to my instructor for help.
She told me, "You have to figure it out!"
And that was that. Some pep talk.
So I went back to it and as soon as I got the trailer partially into the container, I dumped it, not caring anymore if I was doing my best.
Another day, I was told to drag the arena. So I did, but I was told I dragged it too deep. My instructor told me, "Maybe tractor stuff just isn't your thing."
No... really?
She then proceeded to tell me that if I needed help, to come ask for it instead of trying to just do it. As if she would have helped me!
Since then, I was afraid to drag the arena. I wasn't even sure if I was still allowed to drag the arena. On days where it was just two of us working, I wouldn't drag the arena because I thought there wasn't time or that I wasn't supposed to. Then later, I was told I needed to be dragging the arena. So I started dragging the arena again, but my efforts to try were ignored. I still couldn't really dump the trailer, though I tried. I was getting incredibly frustrated with the lack of help I was getting for the things I was struggling with. It made me not want to even take my lessons and eventually, not ride at all... despite the fact that lessons were really the only time when my instructor was actually doing what she was supposed to. I just didn't want to be around her after being yelled at for two weeks straight for stupid things.
Then on my last day, I was told that instead of riding or taking a break, during my lunch break, I was supposed to be working on the arenas with the other employees. So we did, and we redid them when we were told. I was annoyed and frustrated that I was told this without notice, but I was going to deal with it. But then I was later cornered in the barn. I was being scolded for not telling her that my husband and I got our own internet because the internet on the farm was flaky, as if it was really her business that we had our own internet. We were letting people in the house use it, but no one else was paying for it. It was OURS.
Previously, I had been told that the internet wasn't working because of my husband and me. And she said, "It's not your internet. Go to Starbucks." After weeks with no progress in getting the internet fixed, Chris and I took matters into our own hands. I needed internet. I go to school online and I have to be able to turn in my homework on time.
I just told her I was sorry. She apparently expected me to say something more, but what was there to say? Then she started scolding me for not calling a person a week earlier whose horse had been colicking. The real reason I didn't call was because someone had already called her and she was at the barn... Of course, after a week, I couldn't remember all the details to even defend myself. So I started with, "I didn't have her number." And then I was told my answer was bullshit.
So I quit then and there. I had met a few friends a few days earlier and they told me that if I needed it, they would take Chris and me in. So we took them up on the offer.
Now I'm staying in their apartment, jobless, completely unwilling to work for a barn anymore, yet missing horses and riding. I'm focusing most of my time on my homework and film, but it's driving me crazy that I don't have horses to take the edge off.
It sucks that this opportunity didn't work out. I had kept giving myself pep talks to keep going. The creators of Evention told me to stick it out even though it was hard (though they didn't know the whole story). I was dividing my time between school and horses. It was difficult, but I was beginning to figure it out... and then my instructor even told me that she wanted me to go down to part time because she wanted to hire someone that was more focused on horses. I was ready to completely dive into horses head first until the last few months. Then I found out she already replaced me before I even quit.
It was a mess of a situation. That's what I get for not doing a lot of research on the instructor before I took the plunge.. and then ignoring the warnings I received when I walked into the local tack store and on the Chronicle of the Horse forums.
It's been weeks since I quit, but I'm still upset over it. I left my dog, cat, family, and the polo club for this opportunity. It had meant so much to me and then it exploded. I never got to go to any of the shows, even just to groom. I never got to do anything except clean up poop. It was a thankless job.
So I'm once again between instructors, in an unfamiliar land, and trying to pick up the pieces of my life to make ends meet until I can seriously pursue all of my goals again.
Here's my last riding update from May. I didn't get to make any the entire time I was at the stable in Washington because I didn't want to anger my instructor with my photo/video obsession.
