Confidence building

I rode Sunday instead of Monday due to some scheduling conflicts. It had been two weeks since I rode last and I can definitely feel it. I haven't been keeping up with my fitness routine either.

The horse I rode is a cute little paint named Hali.  She doesn't have much bend to her and she doesn't stay on the track.  If you try to bend her to the inside, she takes it as a cue to completely turn.  So I worked with her a little at the walk and trot (no canter because another horse in the arena freaked out when my friend and I tried).

I kept her on the wall by shifting my weight into my outside stirrup and putting pressure on the girth with my inside leg. This also created a slight bend that I had been looking for.  She didn't quite understand, or she just didn't want to, but toward the end of the ride she was getting it.

I felt pretty good about what happened during this ride because I realized that I do know what i'm doing to some extent. I assume she already knew what I was trying to do, but it felt good that she understood.

2014 is the Year of the Horse

Happy New Year!

I have no idea how good or how bad of a rider I am.  There are thousands of things I don't know about horses and riding and I honestly lack any confidence in my ability right now.  I rode on Monday, and there were several people in the arena with my friend and I, making me feel incredibly awkward.  I always feel like people are watching me and judging me.  I've only been back in the saddle for two years and I'm relearning everything, but I feel like everyone is looking at me like I've been riding forever and that I suck.

Of course, the horse I was riding probably picked up on my insecurity and that was why he decided to act like an ass.  The previous week, he was a perfect gentleman and did everything I asked... but there was no one else in the arena and I was completely comfortable.  Then this week, I was incredibly self-conscious.  Roo was okay in the beginning, but the longer I rode, the more self-conscious I became and the more he would shake his head and refuse to do what I asked.

I'm frustrated with the way I rode because when I was a kid, I was so confident and able.  I knew I was good then and now, I feel like I can't do everything I could before.  I just want to rewind time and not let myself quit riding for nine years.  I don't regret much in my life, but I regret my nine year riding hiatus everyday.

I want to make up for all the lost time.  I want to compete.  I want to train.  I want to learn.  I want to be a great rider and even though people keep telling me that it'll be impossible unless I commit fully to riding, I do want to get to the Rolex one day.

I don't want to ride just one day a week.  I want to ride almost everyday!  But I also want to make movies.

Anyway, this year I am going to work on a balancing act.  I will figure out how to be a serious rider, writer, and filmmaker all at once.

My equestrian goals for 2014 are:

• To find a trainer/coach that I click with
• To begin showing
• To be well-read when it comes to horsey non-fiction